There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
