Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
