Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
