Do vagina's smell?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
