I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
