Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
