You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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