i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
