Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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