I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
