***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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