omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
