I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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