if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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