the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
