He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
