I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
