I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
