She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
