in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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