nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
