dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
