Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
