Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
