You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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