too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
