Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
