last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
