you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
