She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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