can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
