I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
and you fell through a lawn chair
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
