Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
