It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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