so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
