Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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