I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
