Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
