There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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