I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have post one night stand depression
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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