Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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