I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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