I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
