Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
