I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Farmville is her only friend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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