i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
