I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
