my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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