I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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