How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
