Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize