she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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