ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
