I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize