Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
