You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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