epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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