every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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