do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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