oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
