If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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