I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
