There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
