Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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