if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize