she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
