I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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