Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize