wanna go halves on a baby?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no you cant smoke seaweed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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