My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
