textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
