i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
