Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
