two words: eviction party
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
