she sounds like chewbacca in bed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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