It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
