my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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