College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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