I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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