How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
