just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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