he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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