i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
