I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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