That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
