he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
