Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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