He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
