You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
