I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You dont lie about slip and slides
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
